Two years have passed and my anger towards the Universe has not ended or lessened. Here I am caught up in my Frankenstein fantasies that somehow there’s a way to bring you back, to revive you.
I miss your laugh the most, that major mischievous smile sprawled across your face, that could convince most in doing anything for you, from running to get your Chai Tea (sometimes in the middle of class) to leaving your children for weeks to embark on a journey with you.
Often I stop everything and think (more like a scream in my head), where are you? Where could you be? Now a firm believer in reincarnation and things supernatural, I picture you somewhere out there in the Universe, in flight, or maybe you are here with us, practicing your new superpower of invisibility.
As so many others, my being is filled with regret. Regret that I did not support you more, regret that I missed so many of your birthday gatherings, regret that I did not look into your beautiful eyes and tell you that you were everything to me, regret that I did not call to say I’m sorry and to tell you that I loved you.
Everyday upon this Earth is a gift, I know. I remind myself of that, especially during those moments when I think of you. Everything I now try to do with more love, with more passion, with more heart, and with more life. Your passing was the ultimate teaching.
Ay mi amiga, I miss you. There will always be a void. There will always be sadness. F… you to those who want to tell me that time heals everything, that’s a cop-out because it doesn’t. All it’s done is increase the time spent without the mighty C.C.E. here.